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February 07, 2006

sad epiphany

Although it was largely unfun, the trip home to the midwest was a watershed moment of my life. Thanks to the weird social environment created by the game, I was thrust into a single setting in which concentrations of midwesterners, Pittsburghers, and Seattlites were easily identifiable. They were plainly labeled, making Detroit a laboratory environment, complete with experimental and control groups.

The contrast was jarring.

"Watch this," I said to some new friends, a group of Detroit natives with whom I was enjoying a fifteenth appetizer. I walked up to the counter to order a sixteenth, and, just as I had with my companions two hours before, I approached some Seattle folks with an earnest "How's it going? You having fun?"

"Uh, fine," they said, scanning my hands for weaponry. And then it became apparent that I wasn't going to stop making eye contact, that I expected something in the neighborhood of an engaged conversation, or maybe even a complete sentence. And then they visibly imploded, scurrying off.

"What was that?!" Treen laughed. "Did you molest their dog or something?"

"That," I replied, "Is the warmest person in Seattle."

As the days wore on, I repeated the routine for my own amusement. But as sterotypes continually confirmed themselves, my self-righteous amusement gave way to depression. The inner nothingness of Seattle folks will never be more empirically proven than it was in Detroit, and though I long suspected such, I now know for certain: I am in a hopeless social situation. I must move. I love the natural beauty of my Seattle home, and the job market is aces, but I cannot allow the inner ugliness of its people to change me further. Today, I called a financial planner and a realtor. I'm not going to do anything impetuous, but the days of my ridiculing the problem instead of working it are over. The soulless, joyless fucks must go.

posted by john at 03:50 PM  •  permalink